I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
