this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
