dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
