now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
