so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize