tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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