I heard we made out
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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