Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
