So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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