there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
