Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
