The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
