I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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