I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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