She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
