mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize