i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
