I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
