I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
