Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
