I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
