Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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