I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
