this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
