It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
