I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize