I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize