The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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