When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
