Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
