xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
