"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
