So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
