Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
