btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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