we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize