Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He felt like a one man threesome
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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