if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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