i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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