Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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