So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
