Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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