dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
how drunk are you?
Several
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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