All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
