Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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