I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just cropdusted the office
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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