god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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