Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
