This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
