I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
