you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
