I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
