If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
