So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
