Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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