Life is so much better after having sex.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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