fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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