I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have fence marks all over my body
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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