barbara walters just said penis...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
