dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
