I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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