Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
