So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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